sights and sounds of berkeley

      As I'm trimming the water shoots off of a redwood burl by the university's North Gate, I sense an object in my peripheral vision moving rapidly down the hill of Hearst Ave. running adjacent to campus. 

     (Shouting from onlookers and pedestrians)

    "IT'S A MAN!"

    "IT'S A BICYCLE!"

    "NO!...it's....it's....UNICYCLE-MAN!"

(Author's Note: This part didn't really happen, nobody really said this, but everything else did, I really, really promise that it did. Please believe me.)

     Lo and behold, to my wonder and dismay, I see a mangy looking teenager pedaling the single wheel of his vehicle furiously, arms flapping and waving akimbo. 

     I make a mental note that unicycle's don't have brake's, and then I continue watching.

     Gaining speed, he begins a parabolic path off the street, heading towards the north gate where too-cool-college Joe's and Jane's can neither see him from behind their googly-eyed Prada sunglasses, nor hear him over the din of their inner-ear iPod headphones.

     I make another mental note to feel sorry for these sheltered youngsters, missing the show that UNICYCLE MAN is providing for everyone, and then secretly hope as I watch from my perch under the redwoods that UNICYCLE MAN'S lack of a proper braking apparatus, and too-cool-college Joe's and Jane's oblivion to the world will result in the holy ruckus of a collision.

     However, with circus-performer-skill, UNICYCLE MAN weaves through the throng of under-20-somethings, makes the death-defying turn while maintaining his blistering velocity of 15 mph, and pedals on under the granite arches of the North Gate, passing a few middle-aged women in business suits and sneakers, out for their lunchtime exercise. 

     These excercisers - they are not oblivious. They know a good show when it pedals by them. They see the acrobatic-acumen of the mangy kid. And wanting to show their appreciation, they begin applauding, hooting and hollering, smiling and expressing their awe and admiration.

     Yet, to everyone's further wonder and dismay, UNICYCLE MAN will have none of it. Looking over his shoulder as he pedals off into the distance, he shouts:

    "It's NOT a performance! It's a MODE OF TRANSPORTATION!!"